Amusing Unix/Linux Commands

From the book 'The Unix-Haters Handbook'.

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% "How would you rate Dan Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

These attempts at humor work with the Bourne shell:

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!


$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

Nil Points

I submitted a PHP class (Music Albums Year Analyzer) to PHPClasses.org about a month ago and they nominated it for the monthly innovation award contest. Guess how many people voted for my class...

Not a single person. lol.

I came joint last (12th). Seems no-one wants to analyse their music collection or they didn't like my coding style or something?

A few months ago I submitted another class, the Bounded Queue, and I came 9th. At least that's not last. I write classes I haven't seen been done in PHP before and that are somewhat useful. But most of the cool things have already been done so what's left is not that interesting usually.